Two on a Tightrope: Supporting a Partner That Competes

Leilanie Pakoa

5 days ago

5 min read

Most conversations about the cost of competitive sport focus on the athlete. Almost none focus on the person beside them. The partner who didn't sign up to compete. But their life is still shaped by results, selection calls and travel. And by a career that can end with little warning. Research has finally started asking what that's like. The findings deserve far more attention than they get.

A Metaphor That Fits

A recent study interviewed eight partners of professional athletes about their stress (Kent et al., 2025). The researchers chose the phrase "two on a tightrope" to capture what they heard. Partners walk a tense, narrow and uncertain path beside the athlete. But they do it without the athlete's training, support or recognition.

It's a useful image. It names something partners often struggle to put into words. They're deeply affected by a career that isn't theirs. And that impact is rarely seen as real.

What Partners Actually Described

The study found several stressors that partners deal with, often in silence.

Fitting the relationship around the sport. Partners described relationships built around training, competitions and travel. During high-stakes periods, the athlete often had little emotional energy left. Most relationships don't have to work around that.
Sacrifice, some chosen and some not. Careers, moves and life plans were often reshaped around the athlete. Some partners chose these sacrifices and felt they were worth it. Others described their own plans slowly slipping away.
Feeling undervalued or invisible. When everything revolves around one person's career, the partner can fade into the background. Their needs and achievements become secondary. It rarely happens on purpose, more of a slow burn that builds up over time.
Abuse and public scrutiny. Partners of visible athletes described being targeted online. They faced criticism linked to their partner's performance or public profile. None of it was in their control.
Carrying the weight of performance. A bad result doesn't stay with the athlete. Another study followed seven professional athletes and their partners (Ni et al., 2022). Lost games, injuries, trades and sudden retirement all "crossed over" to the partner. This happened through empathy, shared stress and pressure on family life. Partners carry that weight. Often, they're also the athlete's main source of support.
Uncertainty about life after sport. Sporting careers can end suddenly. Injury, deselection or age can all bring it to a stop. So partners live with ongoing uncertainty about their shared future.

That worry isn't unfounded. Former elite athletes have about twice the rate of anxiety and depression of the general population (Runacres & Marshall, 2024). Distress, anxiety and depression are common after retirement (Gouttebarge et al., 2019). But it's not all negative. Some partners in the tightrope study saw life after sport as a chance to grow together. They saw it as a chance to reclaim what they'd given up (Kent et al., 2025).

Why This Deserves Its Own Conversation

Partners are in an unusual spot. They're close enough to the sport to be deeply affected by it. But they sit outside the systems built to support athletes. That includes sport psychologists, welfare officers and team staff.

Most partners have nowhere designed for them to process what they're carrying. Many also feel they can't complain. From the outside, the athlete's career looks glamorous.

This matters because a partner's wellbeing and an athlete's wellbeing are linked. A 2025 meta-analysis covered 40 studies and more than 14,000 athletes (Luo et al., 2025). It found that social support is linked to better athlete mental health. Support from close relationships mattered most.

A partner who is stretched thin and unsupported has less to give. It's harder for them to be the steady presence that helps an athlete through pressure, injury and setbacks.

Experts agree the athlete's environment can either nourish or harm their mental health (Henriksen et al., 2020). They recommend support that involves the key people around the athlete, not just the athlete (Purcell et al., 2019). For most athletes, a partner is one of those people.

What Might Actually Help

Name the tightrope. Having words for this experience helps. Supporting a competing partner comes with real stress. Recognising that can ease the isolation. This isn't a niche problem. It's a shared and documented experience.
Build something that's yours. Keep your own career, interests and friends outside the sport. It protects your own plans from slowly slipping away. It also gives you somewhere to stand that isn't defined by results or someone else.
Talk about "after" early. Sporting careers are uncertain. So talk about life after sport early, and come back to it often. Don't wait until retirement arrives.
Partners in the tightrope study used this kind of forward planning to manage retirement stress (Kent et al., 2025). Career transition is also recognised as a key risk period for athlete mental health (Reardon et al., 2019).
Get support that's just for you. If the athlete's club offers support for partners, use it. But you may also need support that sits completely outside the sport. A space that isn't about the athlete's career at all.
Athletes: ask, don't assume. If you're the one competing, check in with your partner. Ask what this is costing them. Don't assume their support is endless or easy. It's one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

Off the Tightrope, Together

Supporting someone through a sporting career is real, demanding work. It deserves to be recognised, not absorbed in silence. The healthiest version of this isn't one where the partner disappears into the athlete's career. It's one where both people's experiences are treated as real. And both are worth supporting.

References

Gouttebarge, V., Castaldelli-Maia, J. M., Gorczynski, P., Hainline, B., Hitchcock, M. E., Kerkhoffs, G. M., Rice, S. M., & Reardon, C. L. (2019). Occurrence of mental health symptoms and disorders in current and former elite athletes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 53(11), 700–706. https://doi.org/10.1136/bjsports-2019-100671
Henriksen, K., Schinke, R., Moesch, K., McCann, S., Parham, W. D., Larsen, C. H., & Terry, P. (2020). Consensus statement on improving the mental health of high performance athletes. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 18(5), 553–560. https://doi.org/10.1080/1612197X.2019.1570473
Kent, S., McKenna, J., & Mellalieu, S. (2025). Two on a tightrope: The stress experiences of the romantic partners of professional athletes. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 37(4), 422–445. https://doi.org/10.1080/10413200.2024.2428656
Luo, J., Du, R., Wang, X., & Luo, L. (2025). The relationship between social support and mental health in athletes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1642886. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1642886
Ni, Y. L., Hsu, S. C., Kuo, C. C., Chen, M. Y., & Chen, L. H. (2022). High income but high stress: Cross over effects of work and family role conflict in professional athletes and their partners. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 20(3), 677–697. https://doi.org/10.1080/1612197X.2021.1929397
Purcell, R., Gwyther, K., & Rice, S. M. (2019). Mental health in elite athletes: Increased awareness requires an early intervention framework to respond to athlete needs. Sports Medicine – Open, 5, 46. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40798-019-0220-1
Reardon, C. L., Hainline, B., Aron, C. M., Baron, D., Baum, A. L., Bindra, A., ... Engebretsen, L. (2019). Mental health in elite athletes: International Olympic Committee consensus statement. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 53(11), 667–699. https://doi.org/10.1136/bjsports-2019-100715
Runacres, A., & Marshall, Z. A. (2024). Prevalence of anxiety and depression in former elite athletes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. BMJ Open Sport & Exercise Medicine, 10(4), e001867. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjsem-2023-001867

This blog was drafted with assistance from Claude, an AI assistant. All content has been reviewed, edited, and approved by the author.