The Psychology of Behaviour Change: Why It's Hard & How to Make It Stick
- Leilanie Pakoa
- Jan 6
- 5 min read
Every January, motivation spikes. We set goals, buy new planners, download workout apps and make big promises to ourselves about how the year will look. And
then, a few weeks later, the excitement fades. Routines slip. We feel disappointed or frustrated because we “should be better than this.”
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Behaviour change is not a character flaw or a discipline problem. It is a complex psychological process influenced by habits, emotions, identity, and the environment you move through each day. When people struggle to create lasting changes in their exercise or wellbeing routines, it is almost never because they are lazy or unmotivated. It is because the process of behaviour change itself is designed to be messy and non-linear.
This blog breaks down why change feels so difficult and how you can create systems that make new habits more likely to stick.
Understanding the psychology of habit formation
Habits develop through a loop of cues, routines, and rewards. This cycle becomes stronger the more times you repeat it. For example, if your cue is finishing work, your routine is going straight to the gym, and your reward is feeling energised or proud, that loop eventually becomes automatic.
The challenge is that most of our daily habits are already well established. We have patterns built around comfort, convenience, and predictability. When you try to introduce a new routine, it competes with old pathways in the brain that feel safer and easier. Research shows that even highly motivated people revert to default habits when stressed or fatigued because the brain prefers energy-efficient behaviours.
It is not that you lack willpower. Your brain is simply designed to rely on what feels familiar.
Why motivation is unreliable
Many people believe they need more motivation to change. In reality, motivation fluctuates constantly. It is influenced by sleep, stress, social connection, self-esteem, hormones, and the environment around you.
The behaviour change literature consistently shows that motivation works best when paired with systems, structure, and environmental support. Without these, motivation alone is rarely enough.
Neurodiverse individuals may experience even more variability in motivation due to differences in executive functioning, sensory processing, and reward systems. This does not make change harder or impossible, but it does mean traditional advice like “just be consistent” is often unhelpful and unrealistic.
Rather than trying to boost motivation, it is often more helpful to reduce friction. The less effort it takes to begin a behaviour, the more likely you are to follow through on days when motivation is low.
Identity: the secret driver of behaviour
One of the most powerful predictors of behaviour change is identity. It is easier to stick to habits that align with who you believe yourself to be.
For example, saying “I want to run three times a week” focuses on an outcome. Saying “I am someone who prioritises movement” focuses on identity. Research suggests that identity-based habits create more sustainable behaviour because they become part of your self-concept.
Identity develops through repeated experiences. Each small action reinforces the belief that you can do what you set out to do. Change does not start with big achievements. It starts with small votes for the type of person you want to be.
Why all-or-nothing thinking gets in the way
A major barrier to behaviour change is rigid thinking. Many people believe they need to get everything right for progress to count. This might look like:
“If I miss one session, the whole week is ruined.”
“If I cannot do a full workout, there is no point.”
“If I cannot be perfect, I may as well stop.”
These thoughts create shame and avoidance. Instead of adjusting expectations, you withdraw altogether. Research in self-regulation shows that flexible thinking predicts better long-term outcomes than perfectionistic control.
Small actions matter, even if they are imperfect.
Values are a better compass than goals
Goals are useful, but they can also create pressure, comparison, and fear of failure. Values are different. They describe the kind of person you want to be and the reasons movement matters to you.
Values might include health, confidence, connection, resilience, playfulness, or stress relief. When your behaviour is guided by values, you rely less on motivation and more on purposeful, meaningful action. This creates a stronger foundation for long-term habits.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) highlights that meaningful change comes from willingness, compassion, and committed action, not from perfection.
Building systems that support your habits
If you want behaviour change to stick, your environment and routines need to work with you, not against you. Some evidence-based strategies include:
Start small. Aim for the smallest version of your new habit. Two minutes of stretching. A ten minute walk. One set of exercises. Small wins build self-belief.
Reduce friction. Lay out your clothes the night before. Save your workouts in your calendar. Create a convenient setup that makes starting easier.
Use habit stacking. Link your new behaviour to something you already do. For example, “After I make my morning coffee, I will do five minutes of breathing or mobility.”
Plan for obstacles. Instead of hoping for perfect conditions, assume challenges will arise. Decide ahead of time how you will respond.
Track progress. Not for perfection, but for awareness. Celebrating small wins strengthens the reward loop.
Give yourself grace. Change is not linear. A setback is not a failure. It is information about what you need next.
Self-compassion: the foundation of sustainable change
Being harsh with yourself might give a short burst of pressure, but it does not support long-term habits. Research shows that self-compassion increases motivation, resilience, and willingness to try again after setbacks.
Self-compassion means acknowledging that struggle is part of being human. It means choosing supportive and encouraging self-talk instead of criticism. When change is approached with curiosity rather than judgment, it becomes far easier to maintain.
Final thoughts: change is a skill, not a personality trait
Behaviour change feels hard because it is hard. Your brain is designed to return to old patterns, especially when life becomes busy or stressful. The goal is not to change perfectly, but to change consistently and compassionately.
Every small decision is a step towards the identity you want to build. Progress is less about willpower and more about understanding how your mind works, designing systems that support you, and giving yourself permission to be human while you grow.
Meaningful change begins with the smallest possible step. The rest builds from there.
References
Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength. Penguin Press.
Duckworth, A. L., Gendler, T. S., & Gross, J. J. (2016). Situational strategies for self control. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 11(1), 35–55. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691615623247
Fogg, B. J. (2019). Tiny habits: The small changes that change everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Frederick, C., & Morrison, C. (2023). Habit formation and sustained behaviour change in exercise settings. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 45(2), 129–144. https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.2022-0171
Gardner, B., Lally, P., & Wardle, J. (2012). Making health habitual. British Journal of General Practice, 62(605), 664–666. https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp12X659466
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.
Wood, W., & Rünger, D. (2016). Psychology of habit. Annual Review of Psychology, 67, 289–314. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev psych 122414-033417
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