When They Want to Quit: Navigating Big Decisions with Young Athletes
- Charlie Barker
- Oct 3
- 4 min read
For many parents, hearing your child say “I don’t want to do this anymore” after years of training, early mornings, and big sacrifices can feel like a shock. Is it just a bad week? Is it burnout? Or is it truly time to step away?
Supporting young athletes through these big decisions is tricky especially during adolescence, when identity, social life, school stress, and sport commitments collide. The good news is that navigating this moment well can actually help your child build life-long skills in resilience, communication, and self-awareness.
Why Do Young Athletes Want to Quit?
It’s rarely just one thing. Research on youth sport shows that adolescents often drop out due to a mix of:
Burnout: physical and emotional exhaustion, often paired with falling motivation.
Pressure: from parents, coaches, or themselves to perform at a high level.
Competing priorities: schoolwork, friendships, and identity exploration outside sport.
Environment mismatch: the culture, coach, or sport no longer feels like a fit.
Loss of joy: when the fun gets replaced by stress or obligation.
Case example: Ella, 13, a competitive swimmer, tells her mum she hates going to training. She’s exhausted, dreads competition days, and cries in the car on the way to the swim club. Her mum worries that if Ella quits, she’ll lose her fitness, friends, and future opportunities — but also recognises that pushing her harder might do more harm than good.
Spotting the Signs of Burnout
As a parent, it’s important to know when your child’s “I want to quit” comes from burnout rather than a passing frustration. Some key signs include:
Frequent fatigue or constant soreness
Irritability or mood changes around training
Drop in performance despite effort
Loss of enjoyment in both training and competition
Avoidance behaviours (dragging their feet, skipping sessions, or increased conflict)
Burnout doesn’t always mean an athlete has to quit but it does mean something needs to shift.
The Parent Balancing Act: Push or Pull?
Parents often ask: “How do I know when to encourage them to push through versus letting them stop?”
Here’s the balance:
Pushing too hard can damage your relationship, worsen burnout, and make sport feel like punishment.
Pulling too quickly may prevent your child from learning that discomfort, plateaus, and tough seasons are a normal part of sport.
The middle ground is curiosity and collaboration: asking the right questions and helping your child reflect on what’s really going on.
A Practical Framework for Parents
Here’s a step-by-step process to guide these conversations and decisions:
Pause & Listen
Create space for your child to talk without judgement.
Use open questions like “What feels hardest right now?” or “What do you wish was different about training?”
Explore the Why
Is it pressure, fatigue, friendships, coaching style, or just a bad week?
Sometimes kids say “I want to quit” when they really mean “I want something to change.”
Check the Basics
Are they sleeping enough? Eating well? Managing school stress?
Burnout is often linked to energy balance and recovery.
Weigh the Options
Together, brainstorm possibilities: reducing training load, trying a new event or position, taking a short break, or switching environments.
Reflect on Values
Help them connect decisions back to what matters: “What do you love most about sport?” or “What do you want your sport to give you right now?”
Trial a Decision
Frame changes as experiments. For example: “Let’s try a month with lighter training and see how you feel.”
Seek Support
If burnout persists, consider involving a sport psychologist, coach, or GP.
Case example: Kai, 15, a soccer player, wanted to quit mid-season. After talking it through, he realised he didn’t want to stop soccer, he just wanted more balance so he could spend time with friends outside of sport. His parents and coach agreed on cutting back to three training nights instead of five, which kept him engaged and happy.
Building Decision-Making Muscles
Whether your child ultimately quits or continues, the process itself is powerful. You’re teaching them how to:
Reflect on their needs
Make values-based decisions
Balance short-term discomfort with long-term goals
Communicate openly with trusted adults
Sport is about more than winning medals, it's also about building the confidence to make thoughtful choices.
When Quitting is the Right Call
Sometimes, stepping away is the healthiest choice. Look out for red flags such as:
Anxiety or dread before every training/competition
Declining mental health (withdrawal, sadness, or ongoing distress)
A clear, consistent loss of passion despite adjustments
In these moments, support your child to leave sport with pride recognising the skills, resilience, and friendships they gained.
Resources for Parents
Raising Mentally Strong Kids
Kids Helpline – free, confidential support for young people
Surge Performance + Wellbeing – sport psychology support for athletes, parents, and teams
Final Thoughts
Hearing “I want to quit” from your young athlete isn’t the end of the story. It’s the start of an important conversation about balance, values, and wellbeing. With the right approach, parents can help adolescents make decisions that protect their love for sport and their mental health.
References
Australian Sports Commission. (n.d.). Barriers and motivation in youth sport participation. https://www.ausport.gov.au/youth_participation/barriers_and_motivation
Crane, J., & Temple, V. (2015). A systematic review of dropout from organized sport among children and youth. European Physical Education Review, 21(1), 114–131. https://doi.org/10.1177/1356336X14555294
Fraser-Thomas, J., Côté, J., & Deakin, J. (2008). Understanding dropout and prolonged engagement in adolescent competitive sport. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 9(5), 645–662. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2007.08.003
Gustafsson, H., DeFreese, J. D., & Madigan, D. J. (2017). Athlete burnout: Review and recommendations. Current Opinion in Psychology, 16, 109–113. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.05.002
Isoard-Gautheur, S., Guillet-Descas, E., & Gustafsson, H. (2016). Athlete burnout and the risk of dropout among young elite handball players. The Sport Psychologist, 30(2), 123–130. https://doi.org/10.1123/tsp.2014-0140
Knight, C. J., Harwood, C. G., & Gould, D. (2018). Sport psychology for young athletes. Routledge.
Morin, A. (2024). Raising mentally strong kids: How to combine the power of neuroscience with love and logic to grow confident, kind, responsible, and resilient children and young adults. HarperCollins.
Schinke, R. J., Stambulova, N. B., Si, G., & Moore, Z. E. (2018). International society of sport psychology position stand: Athletes’ mental health, performance, and development. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 16(6), 622–639. https://doi.org/10.1080/1612197X.2017.1295557
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